Sandy's Strategy for Recovery: Prayer, Focus, Visualize, Absorb knowledge, Meditate, Eat Smart, Exercise, Laugh, Probe and Share

Although recovery from the operation proved to be steady, it was also slow and painful. Sandy drew from her life experiences to utilize strategies that would help her to ease the discomfort, pain, fear, and despair that creeps into consciousness, especially during the long hours of the night. The most powerful one for her was the absolute clarity with which she embraced the choice to live which, she says, is different than not wanting to die. The difference, she explains, is in actively seeking life, rather than passively denying or resisting death. That means proactively seeking and utilizing every possible resource available to fight the odds, statistics, and nay-sayers related to mesothelioma.

The focus of recovery for Sandy centered around prayer, positive thought, and support from family and friends. One of Sandy's favorite quotes, from Martin Route, succinctly makes the point, "You have to do it by yourself and you can't do it alone." She utilized 22 years of teaching experience to create techniques that would transfer this concept into practical strategies for survival. She shares some of her thoughts and experiences below:

What You Can Do for Yourself:

Whatever your religious bias might be, get in touch with your spiritual self. It is essential to recognize a power higher than our own in dealing with the healing process. One example of the comfort of prayer I experienced was during the initial states of radiation. Fearful of the effects of radiation, I found it difficult to positively embrace the radiation therapy. On my second visit to the radiation room, I remember silent tears and a prayer in which I gave myself up to God's care. The release of my fear came in a image of God cradling me in his arms as I was filled with healing light. It was that prayer that transformed radiation therapy into a positive, healing experience for me.

Focus your thinking. Learn everything you can about your disease which means research and reading. Information is power and power provides a level of control over how we choose to live with cancer. Knowledge helps us find the balance between denial of the reality of the disease and the power to reframe negative thoughts into proactive frames of reference. The process I use combines the use of visualization (seeing, hearing, or feeling in your mind's eye, a picture of your healthy self or the healing process) and affirmations (positive statements of what you want -My immune system is powerful warding off any disease or infection that threatens my body.)

I also create visual pictures that go with each affirmation. Creating visuals can be easy if you connect them to your own life's experiences. Since I am a gardener, I have created an image of my white cells as plump, healthy gardeners out pruning, nipping, and culling possible disease off unhealthy cells. T-cells push huge mowers which saturate all of my cells with white healing light and suck up any diseased area. The residue is eliminated from my body through breath ( or tears, sweat, urination, etc.) and is turned into butterflies. I use this affirmation and visualization often during the day or night, especially when negative thoughts begin to creep into my mind. I use visualization and affirmations with my prayers for such things as reframing negative thoughts, focusing on the gifts of life that are offered in every moment, accepting and acknowledging feelings, and changing old habits into new, healthier ones.

Learn all you can about nutrition. This is a new area of information and learning for me. I am amazed at how little I knew and at the absolute importance of appropriate nutrition in combating cancer. There are foods and food supplements available that can make a difference in our health! I also use affirmations and visualizations to help me create new patterns for my eating habits and to extinguish the need for unhealthy foods.

Make exercise a daily routine. Exercising consistently does not come easily for me - there's always a reason to do it later. However, my experience with mesothelioma has helped to change that pattern in my life. I started in my hospital bed by religiously glowing into the breath-o-lator at least ten times per waking hour. No matter how tired I feel, I try to do something that resembles exercise, even if it is simply doing isolated arm and leg movements in my bed or stretching out my back and leg muscles while I blow dry my hair.

Learn to meditate. I am a true novice at this technique, however my simple attempts to quiet the chatter that naturally goes on in the mind have been a true source of comfort.

Connect with nature. During my most challenging moments, I find that observing or enjoying nature fills an inexplicable void. Working in my garden literally "grounds" me to the earth and the life force that is mine to live.

Laugh often and deeply. I have found humor in many different aspects of the recovery process. It is always there, just waiting to lighten my load if I choose to use it. I am especially fond of the fact that I have a sliver of a cow's heart lining filling a hole near my diaphragm. I am ever vigilant for sign of bovine behavior or the need for continual chewing.

Not Doing It Alone:

Advocate for yourself. I learned that I must become my own best advocate, especially when dealing with HMO's or the medical profession. For me this means asking questions, even when I know I've already asked them a dozen times, and asking for help, a tough job because it means giving up control. I've come to realize that the universe will provide me with all the resources I need when I open myself up to the simple art of asking. Asking for help is an art because if exposes our vulnerability and requires us to trust in others to help provide for our needs. The gift that has come to me in learning to ask for help is the extent to which I have realized that I am loved by others. This provides true healing in and of itself.

My doctors and medical support personnel have obviously been an important link in the healing process. I have made if a point to personally "connect" with each and every one of them because I want them to know me as an individual, as well as a patient. The best resource I found for learning how to do this was from reading Dr. Bernie Siegel's book called, Love, Medicine & Miracles. An example was a discussion I had with my surgeon prior to the operation. I explained how important it was to me that during the operation, all discussion regarding the procedure and findings be truthful, but expressed in positive, proactive terms. I also requested that he conclude the surgical procedures statement with a statement to me that I would heal quickly and easily. He smiled patiently, and assured me that he would honor my request. This simple gesture provided me a sense of some control and greater peace of mind during a time in which I felt tremendous fear and trepidation - the anxious hours prior to surgery.

My surgeon, Dr. Robert Cameron is a superior thoracic oncologist who took time to thoroughly discuss my diagnosis, treatment options, and surgical procedures. His manner, style, and expertise made a difference in my life and I unequivocally recommend his services.

Thomas Crum wrote a book called The Magic of Conflict. The overriding concept expressed is learning to embrace the conflict we find in our lives and the lessons that are revealed as a result of it.

Embracing the conflict raging in my body has not only helped my own healing process, it has afforded me some of the sweetest moments of living and a truer understanding that at the very core of everything there is only love. This understanding has helped me to live a legacy inspired by a verse in an old Hungarian folksong; All I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you.

Happy trails....

Sandy Holland

** POSTED DECEMBER 9, 1997 **

Ms. Sandy Holland passed away on January 25, 2000