Dr. Alfred Dean – “My father was a big guy, with an even bigger heart.”

Dr. Alfred Dean was a retired dentist who was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma in March of 2007. Over the next year he completed several rounds of chemotherapy and radiation. He passed away on November 15, 2008 at his home.  His two daughters, Carol Cohen and Susan Chodroff were at his side.  He was 81 years old. 

Below is the eulogy by Carol Cohen.  Click here to view the eulogy of Susan Chodroff.

Three and ½ years ago I stood at this very podium and promised Louise “Not to worry, Susie and I would take care of Daddy for her.” I hope we lived up to that, and she feels we did a good job.

Looking around this room, I see so many people who were lucky enough to be touched by Al. Some of you met him fairly recently, while many others grew up with Louise and Al in Brooklyn or Trenton, knowing both of them longer than I have.

I’m sure you all know what a wonderful, wonderful guy he was, but I want to take a couple of minutes to try to explain to you his HUGE impact on me.

Growing up in Brooklyn, Al and his beloved brother Marty (or Alfala and Martala as their Mother called them) shared an inseparable bond. Their life was not easy from a financial standpoint, since their Father had died when Al was an infant, but their childhood overflowed with LOVE from their Mother and large extended family. Al and Marty spent three seasons a year in elementary and then Lincoln High School, and in the summer all hell broke loose. They co-captained color war at camp. Opposing sides of course…They were certainly a force to be reckoned with! But oh did they have fun…such jokesters. Marty was the hell-raiser and always marched to his own drummer, and Al ‘played by the rules’ and was the soft-spoken peacemaker… always. The perfect ying and yang…

My father was a big guy, with an even bigger heart.  Big Al went out of his way to make other people feel comfortable and happy. He was blessed with a voracious zest for life, and truly epitomized the adage of ‘living life experientially’!! He never, ever stopped learning and questioning…questioning anyone who would listen. I remember being so embarrassed at 18 years old, moving into my freshman dorm at Lafayette, and Daddy walking down the hall introducing himself to the other parents and students… Asking them their probable majors and how and why they chose those majors. “Oh and let me introduce you to my daughter, your next door neighbor…”

Or, asking all the Drs. He met whether medicine is what they thought it would be…would they do it again?  What kind of health care policy do they think should be enacted??

Al loved learning and questioning…“Why” was one of his favorite conversation starters? He strived to better understand this complex world in which we all live, by taking many philosophy and comparative religion courses. His love for Judaism always remained a constant throughout his life.

Just a couple of weeks ago Abby said to me that she finally ‘got it’!! She understood Grandpa’s love of learning for learning’s sake!!! His quest for knowledge… When she was much younger, she never really understood why grandpa would go to school when he didn’t need to. YAY…the legacy lives on!!!

And Julie…I think Julie has Al’s sensitivity and keen perception of other’s feelings. Just a short few weeks ago, she helped to move Grandpa from his apt. to assisted living and worked feverishly to decorate his room so he would feel more ‘at home’. She made sure to re-write all the important phone #’s in large clear printing for him. YAY…the legacy lives on!!!

Louise was quite ill for many years, and Al was an amazing, totally selfless caregiver for so long. His entire being was dedicated to my Mom. And that is why I was so thrilled when he started spending beautiful, quality time with Janet. After all, they had also grown up together from their early 20’s and shared so much history. Because of Janet, Dad’s last few years were totally joyous once again! He has always said, even when it was tough going, that life is so great, he wants to sign up again!!

There was never any question how much Dad loved Susie and me, and subsequently our children. I have always known that his happiest days were the days we were born and then the 4 grandchildren. I always felt his pride, and he made us better people for it.

But I truly believe with all my heart that it was all of us who were the lucky ones to be loved by such a man. It is we who were blessed to be loved by him so. He was the most selfless person I have ever met…constantly putting everyone else’s needs/wants before his own…to a fault. I know I am a better person for having been loved by him…and by his example, I know what total and complete unconditional love is.

I am absolutely and incredibly sad, but also so thrilled that I and my girls had him in our lives.

Carol Cohen