Dr. Alfred Dean – "He would have done anything to stay here longer. He wanted to sign up again."

Dr. Alfred Dean was a retired dentist who was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma in March of 2007. Over the next year he completed several rounds of chemotherapy and radiation. He passed away on November 15, 2008 at his home.  His two daughters, Carol Cohen and Susan Chodroff were at his side.  He was 81 years old. 

Below is the eulogy by Susan Chodroff.  Click here to view the eulogy of Carol Cohen.

Dad

My dad died Saturday. Somehow I thought, hoped, prayed I would never have to write this.  I loved him more than I can say.  He was the kindest, sweetest, most loving person I’ve ever known.  He loved openly and sincerely.  He loved life and he loved his family.  He would have done anything to stay here longer.  He wanted to sign up again. I hope he can.

My dad and I had an extraordinarily close relationship. We were confidants, kindred spirits.  He knew everything about my life and I knew everything about his.  We spoke most mornings. We had no secrets.  He wanted to know all the details and occasionally worried about them. He knew everything about his grandchildren and felt overwhelming pride at their accomplishments.  I think he vicariously lived through his grandson’s experience at Yale during the last few years and was so happy he lived to see Jon achieve his dream of becoming a pro cyclist.  Our sweet Becca returned from Oxford recently as well, in time to see her PopPop.  He was so proud of her and her brilliance.  Hoping someday her genetic research or influence may help battle the cancer he suffered from.  My husband, Rich, always told me my dad was a tough act to follow.  He was……  Rich comes very close.  I am extravagantly thankful for my children and my husband and love them so much. 

My dad taught me to appreciate the little things in life.  He taught me to wake early in the morning when the world is quiet and experience life.  He taught me how to love and how to care for others.  In the last few weeks of his life, using a walker himself, he still helped others to sit safely in the dining room. I said at Dad’s eightieth birthday, if you looked up the word “mensch” in the dictionary you would see a picture of his beautiful face.

Dad put his life on hold for many years while he cared for my ill mother.  He loved her desperately, and showed the most love and compassion possible in another human being. They were together fifty-four years.  After mom died, dad consciously decided to experience life again.  He lost the weight that plagued him for so long, swam most days, played golf and ate well.  He was successful in turning his physical health around. No easy task.  His cardiologist was duly impressed.  His body became a temple.  He loved the time he spent at Pennswood and took advantage of everything and everyone there.   He took college courses, performed in a play, participated in scientific and political discussions, made many friends.  And he began to share his life with Janet, my second mother.  My dad had the best of both worlds.  He had his college residence at Pennswood and then had a dear friend off campus with whom to share his life.  I am forever grateful for the beautiful time Dad and Janet spent together here, and in Florida.

Just as dad was feeling vigorous, wintering in Florida, he was suddenly plagued with this cancer.  He bravely did everything possible to battle its progression.  There were no miracles.  We were with him in the end.  I can’t say it was particularly peaceful.  We told him we’d be ok and that he should rest.  He didn’t want to leave.  It was so unbelievably difficult for him to talk in the last two days.  But the morning of his death with Carol and I both at his bedside, holding his hands, stroking his face, kissing his soft cheeks, he said, “I love you”.  At that moment, I could not have loved another human being more.

You know the saying, “You can’t pick your parents.”  It doesn’t hold true for me.  I would have picked him all over again, if I could have chosen from any father on the planet.  Carol and I know how fortunate we were to have him as our father.  It makes the loss that much more difficult. Our hearts are breaking. It is still worth it.

In the last weeks of his life my Dad and I spoke about death.  I know my dad was philosophical and didn’t believe he’d arrive to harps and the heaven of the movies.  But for one moment we talked about the possibility of something.  What if?  If I want to believe he sees my mom again, well and beautiful, and his beloved mother, and meets the father who died when he was an infant, and gets to play a round of golf on the heaven links with his brother Marty – so be it.  He was too good.  His soul continues. I know it.  I love you Dad.

Susan Chodroff

We are privileged to represent the heirs of Dr. Dean. Susan Chodroff’s son, Jon Chodroff, is a professional cyclist on Team Ouch, which Roger G. Worthington, PC is pleased to co-sponsor.  Jon, a recent graduate from Yale, is the 2008 US National Time Trial Champion. Dr. Dean would be proud to know that his grandson has inherited the family tradition of hard work, humanity, humility, passion, generosity and courage.

February 17, 2009